**Picture of me & my daddy -- summer 2008**
I don't understand why people have to be so hurtful. I don't understand why people can say one thing and do another thing. I don't understand how someone can keep a promise and break it so easily. I don;t understand why people do the things they do. I don't understand why people lie and cheat and steal. I don't understand why there are so many people who stay with someone who they don't care about. I don't understand how someone can stay with someone they don't love. I don't understand why people stay with other people even though they are cheating on the person...why not just leave them and get it over with...but no, they just have to mess around?
defition:
n., pl. peo·ple. Humans considered as a group or in indefinite numbers; A body of persons sharing a common religion, culture, language, or inherited condition of life.
......p.e.o.p.l.e......they can make you feel like shit. They can be mean. They do not listen to you and they think that they know ho you are feeling just by looking at you. People think that they know what isbest for you, but the only person who can determine what is best for you is yourself. People say harsh things. They don't think before they speak and therefore can hurt your feelings. Then there are people who still say something that they did think of before saying it and say it anyway in spite of being mean and do not spare your feelings because they do not care about others, but only about themselves. They can say you don't know what they are talking about even though they don't know what the hell they are talking about themselves. They don't understand you. They think they understand you, but they really do not know what you are thinking about. There are very few people who actually know me for me. Some people I do not trust people very easily. I have trust issues. I've always had trust tissues because i have not had anyone who i can trust with all of my heart besides my parents. I know that they are always there for me and they love me no matter what b/c i am their daughter and they raised me to be the person that i am today. I have always been very close to my parents because my parents and i are all each other have. I don't know what i'd do without my parents. I'm so lost without them sometimes and i get homesick after a couple of months without seeing them. It's pretty bad because i'm almost 21 and i still need my parents like i'm a 12 year old. Lol. :D I've had so many friends that say that they'll be there for me and do anything for me, but when it comes down to it they leave or bail out or do not care. They lose touch with me and they leave.
.....I don't know why i feel that i can't be close to any of my friends when they actually do stick around. The friends that i have that do stick around and motivate me and are there for me....i push away. I don't understand why i do this. Is it because i have trust issues? Or is it because i don't know how to be very close to someone other than my parents and boyfriend? I tell my parents everything...well almost everything (besides the things that i know would hurt them extremely) and i tell my boyfriend everything. I do feel sometimes that my boyfriend and i don't spend enough time together talking and having days or nights to ourselves and just being there for each other. I don't think we communicate as much as we used to....but that's probably because we've been together for over 2 years...and we can only talk about so much because we've talked about so much together that we run out of things to say. I love Caleb so much, but sometimes i feel that i'm not good enough for him. It seems like he's always looking for more and i can't give that to him. But i could be mistaken, but then again, i don't know because i don't ask.
I don't have many friends that are girls b/c they are backstabbing stupid ass whiny bitches who don't know how to keep their fucking mouths shut. I admit i have those kind of moments...but it only comes out when i'm around girls. Why is that? I mean, i love some of the girls that i've been friends with...but i've been friends with them since i've been the age of 6...so you know you can trust them. On the other hand...i do have friends that are boys...but we can't trust their cheating asses either...it seems that you can't be just friends with boys. Boys just don't understand that NO MEANS NO. Girls don't want to be your girlfriend, and no we don't want to fuck and no we don't want to kiss, we just don't want to be more than friends, don't you stupid boys understand that? Nope. Boys don't understand that kind of shit. I've read that boys can multi-task....but girls can. Could that be the reason? They can't think with their heart and their brain at the same time? But i just don't understand things sometimes...i've been very questionable and in doubt about a lot of things lately and i don't know where it's coming from. I need to stay away from girls...with a lot of extra estrogen in their bloods....and to add with that...testosterone too. Need a happy medium. :)
Feelin a little homesick,
Kessica
